For families affected by dementia, presence holds weight. A shared cup of tea, a familiar voice, and laughing with a loved one are the moments that stick with you forever. But in today’s world, due to geography, work, illness, or other commitments, you’re not always able to be there in person.  

It’s a struggle many of us experience. Even now, I still recall the mixed emotions during what turned out to be the last time I saw my grandad, who was in a dementia care home. At the time, I lived overseas, so these visits were rare.

Mum and I entered the lounge. The TV murmured in the background as we picked our path through the chairs and tables to grandad, settled in an armchair by the window. His face lit up with surprise, even though we’d talked on the phone earlier.

As we mused over the day together, he slowly became more present. After a while, Mum gestured for me to unpack my violin. Really, I’m surprised I was allowed to perform at all, considering my abilities at age 12 were not quite concert standard, but people still seemed to enjoy it. 

Certainly, the music transformed grandad. Recognition crept into his eyes, and he even burst into song, remembering lyrics he’d learnt in childhood. Mum and I exchanged wide grins as he clapped his hands with delight.

But, then it was time to leave. That’s always the hardest part. When someone you love is living with dementia, you feel guilty for being absent and worry they feel forgotten.

Staying Connected Digitally

I often wonder how my relationships with relatives living with dementia might have been different if we’d had access to today’s technology. Not just for me, but for people like grandad sitting quietly in the lounge, waiting. A simple voice message, a familiar song, or even a short video call could have transformed his day. 

This longing isn’t unique to me. Many families know the ache of distance and the guilt of absence. But as I’ve come to learn through my work with the dementia care app Elli Cares, it doesn’t have to be this way.

Now, I might have arranged a regular video call with grandad with the help of his care home. Or, if he’d had a smartphone, I could have sent voice notes with greetings or gentle reminders. These small gestures might have helped him feel connected and cared for, even when I couldn’t be there in person.

Some of the other digital tools we have at our fingertips include:

• Location monitoring and fall alerts
• Interactive games to support cognitive health
• Paired caregiver-family communication platforms
• Apps to share music playlists, photos, and memories
• The ability to remotely schedule comforting video, voice, and text reminders

Simple reminder notifications, shared calendars, or location check-ins might not sound emotional, but for a person with dementia, they offer consistent reassurance. For families, they provide greater peace of mind that their loved one is safe and reachable.

If you’re supporting someone with dementia from afar, know this: your efforts matter. Even if they forget your last call or don’t recognise your voice today, the feeling of being loved, cared for, and remembered leaves a trace.

So send that message. Call, even if it’s just to say goodnight. Play the music. Write the letter. Share the laughter, even through a screen.

Because when you can’t be there in person, connection still matters. Often, more than ever.